Lately I have noticed that there's a lot of negativity around me and it has taken its toll on me. Sure, in my life a lot of things that happened were somewhat negative, some positive but at the time I didn't realize it. I was just a little kid after all. But now, especially in my gap year, I started to see clearly how life can give you highs and lows. I guess it's a part of growing up. In order to be somebody better, to gain certain achievements you have to be able to face all the obstacles on the way. And I am completely OK with that. The only thing I can't wrap my head around is why do I need to feel miserable in the process. I used to be a lot happier, lively and sociable person than I am now just few years back. What changed?
I changed, society did, relationships did. It's just hard to grasp all that in, meanwhile figuring out what you are and what your life path should be. That's the sort of thing grown ups don't tell you when you become an adult. And to be honest it's hard to explain it. You have to learn it for yourself. You may see all the great privileges adulthood brings with but in the end there is responsibility for yourself and your actions. There's no other way than to accept that you're changed, that not everything will go according to plan, not every goal will be achieved but the journey you will make towards it will make you a better person. And although some things in life won't change, nevertheless how much you want it to, you'll be the one who will gain experience from it.
All the dreams, goals, achievements and wishes can still come true if you only don't lose hope. I didn't, even though it sometimes looked like I did. And in times like that I remember this. I remind myself of my strengths and abilities. Dreaming is one of them. Maybe it seems a little bit odd choice for a personal strength and a lot of people take it as unproductive, but I wouldn't be able to get through all my hard times without it. Not able to imagine your life, your wishes is like writing a paper with invisible ink. It's something in some kind of form but you can't see it. And because you can't see it you don't act on it. Well that's just not me. I believe there's something out-there for me, waiting to reach my full potential. And hope is my drive.