Heartbreak

This is another poem in my collection that is very dear to me. It expresses raw feelings I had when I have written it. It is quite personal but it gives me that feeling of lightness, lifting the weight from my shoulders. I had a diary once but didn't used it much. I just couldn't express myself enough and that's where writing songs and poems work for me. I can use artistic aspect that writing the diary doesn't have. And this particular poem is where I was at most vulnerable. It talks about heartbreak, though not in relationship kind of way. Instead it talks about the heartbreak of the emotional bond you were born with but can't control and neither can re-make. It's special and because of that it's hard to be broken and even harder to be fixed. You can't ignore it's pain. I think the poem speaks for that itself.

HEARTBREAK

I just want to run away

from the pain

I feel inside my heart,

a cut widening out.

Disappointed by the life.

By the ones I love.

I'm guessing my next step

how to regain myself back.

All I needed was love,

not worries and orders.

A little compassion, tenderness,

something you couldn't understand.

Everything I did was wrong.

Every action too late or too small.

And the double standards.

Those I can't ignore.

What more do you want from me?

I'm not perfect, I will never be.

I will not change the person I am,

so that you'll accept me.

You say I am a burden.

That I don't contribute.

When everything I did

was to make you happy.

To see you proud,

to show me little affection.

I wished for that so long,

disappointed in the end.

Why did you have me then?

If what you can see in me

are only mistakes and obstacles

to the wanted life you didn't get.

Throwing in my face

all the things you did for me

won't make you look good.

At the end I will win

and you will lose,

lose the person

that once loved you.

Words may hurt me now,

but the time will heal the pain,

I will forget the life I had,

I will live like I want it instead.

But I won't be sorry for that,

as selfish as it seems.

It's my life to live

not yours to give.

So either you make the sense

of your judgements in the past,

realize your mistakes,

or there will be no more love,

no more strength in me

to forgive you.

P.S. For those who wish to know when the next instalment of the novel comes, it'll be posted approximately next week.